Never Forget: You Don’t Deserve Who Hurts You

You don’t deserve who hurts you. No one who says he loves you and causes you pain or tears should be part of your life.

This is something we all know; However, on some occasions, life puts us in difficult situations in which it is not so easy to visualize these aspects.

There are moments throughout our life cycle, in which we fall into affective relationships where, despite the existence of love, it becomes harmful and painful. Without the need for physical abuse.

Because whoever hurts you can also do it through those indirect techniques that so damage our emotional balance and our self-esteem.

According to this study carried out by the University of Seville (Spain), this very specific way of doing harm is called psychological abuse.

Today in our space we invite you to reflect on it. On the need to set limits and always remember that loving is giving happiness. That love is joy and not suffering.

Whoever hurts you has a wrong idea of ​​what love is

There are many forms of love, and not all of them offer true happiness.

• There are those who love because they fear being alone.
• Others love only themselves.
• There are those who confuse love with domination and possession.

Toxic loves abound too much in day to day and we must be careful because, even if we do not realize it, we can also harm our partner without wanting to:

• There are people who when they feel upset by something the partner does, says or implies, instead of speaking it assertively, they perform the same act as “harmful empathy”.
• An example would be causing our partner to feel jealous because we feel annoyed by their closeness to another person.

• When our partner does something that we do not see well, it is necessary to set a limit and speak it out loud with security, calm and openness.
• If we copy their actions, far from solving the problem, we aggravate it.

By this we mean that we too are capable of hurting directly or indirectly.

However, the most complex of these cases is always knowing how to detect that there is something that is not right.

The difficulty of not knowing how to see it or not knowing how to react to various types of abuse is due to the fact that, on occasions, we are educated in the classic idea that to maintain a relationship as a couple:

•  “You have to hold on, you have to give in and you have to swallow.” This is not true, and it should never be so.

Communication and reciprocity are two essential pillars on which any healthy relationship must be based. Therefore, we invite you to avoid all those situations in which abuse takes place.

The use of irony as a form of contempt

Irony is a very painful double-edged sword. Sometimes, many people execute a mode of communication where their sense of humor falls into:

• The agression.
• Contempt.
• The humiliation.

Many examples of this behavior would be the following:

• “It is clear that without me, you are a disaster of person.”
• “Look at you … You are as adorable as you are clumsy, you have no remedy.”
• “Do not worry about fixing yourself so much, yours no longer has a solution, but I still like you.”

People who cut our ties with others to control us

Whoever hurts you in this way, without a doubt, does not deserve to be in your life.

There are people who execute a skillful control in our day to day, like the spider that surrounds its prey so that it does not escape:

• They are people with low self-esteem who fear being abandoned. That is why they execute control and domination. They use, according to this study carried out by Pompeu Fabra University, manipulation to catch you.

• They will make us lose contact with friends and family, that we leave work, that we forget our hobbies so as not to leave that comfort zone that is the couple.

Saying goodbye to those who hurt you: a vital necessity

There are relationships that we must leave behind out of emotional and physical necessity. However, it is not always easy to leave that union behind, because the level of dependency is usually very high.

• The most important thing is that you realize that you are with someone who hurts you.
• Whoever truly loves you would never be able to confuse respect and sincere affection with aggression, contempt or humiliation.
• You must be clear that your happiness is far from that person who hurts you.

• It is necessary to return to the person you were before, to your emotional tranquility of yesteryear.
• Do not hesitate to ask family and friends for help, and even institutions if you perceive any type of risk.
• Protect your self esteem. You are a strong person who deserves to be happy,  and to regain your happiness, you need a final act of courage and courage to break that damaging bond.

Sometimes a quiet solitude is preferable to a company that violates our values as a person, our integrity and our self-esteem.

Whoever hurts you does not deserve your efforts, your time and not a hint of your affection. It is something that we should all remember and defend so that others do not fall into these types of relationships either.